Ranting Knitter

I’m a devout believer (and follower) in human rights.  Human rights - there’s not much for discrimination here.  You get my point.

Here’s some good news pertaining to gay human rights.

Love is love.

Image credit found here

Woah.  Okay.  No posts for a solid few months.  Do I ignore my web absence and go about the blogs as though nothing has happened?  Or do I explain the absence however long and unintended it was?

I would have such a guilty conscience to ignore my lengthy absence.  Where to begin?

I’m getting my life in an awesome order.  I’m feeling the good vibes all the way.  Working The Secret into my every day life and it’s working!  Who would have thought?

I’ve been reading a variety of books.  I don’t critique them too much.  I read everything: the goods and bads.  I need to exercise all parts of my mind and imagination.  And what better way to do so than with a story spurred by someone else’s imagination?  I love it.  Beats watching soaps all day.

More importantly to me, I’ve been traveling.  I am having an absolute blast.  I have been to a few places and done a few things.  My traveling companions deserve a great deal of credit for the amount of fun that I have where ever I go.  And I get so excited waiting for my next big excursion!

And photography.  I have been snapping quite often.  Though, I haven’t been good about uploading all my pics to flickr, I’ll get there.

I have had a nice break away from a hectic world.  I re-energized my spirit.  And now, it’s time to get down to what matters.  I’ll get back to you on that last bit…

How am I doing?  Well, much better, considering my mind is gaining clarity.

Half-way through this year I realized that my biggest gripe is not time, but doing what I want to: my wants and desires.

Life has taken another round about with me, thus allowing me to focus more on what I want and have wanted out of my Life.

I finished reading Getting Things Done by David Allen.  Great book and worth mentioning again and again as a suggestive read.  I have developed some better organizational skills.  Though I find that the hardest part is to maintain the organizing.  Life so easily slips by us, that we let other matters fall by the wayside; not a good thing. 

I recently purchased OmniFocus as a means of organizing all my thoughts and projects.  So far, I am quite impressed with this program.  After watching the online video how-to, I went to town on in-putting everything bogging my mind down.  What a release!  And what a great program!  So far, I have no complaints.  In-putting and retrieving  information is done so in a relatively easy and simple manner, why bother to complain?

As for the site - uuummm…..right.  Well, I’ve made some serious attempts at writing and posting.  It has worked here and there.  I have not posted regularly, which is another goal to do.  I’ll get there.  I’m feeling better about writing more and more; it’s not the enemy, but the truth.

I have discovered a new passion for photography.  Though I feel most of my best work is done in black and white film, I am experimenting more with digital.  I intend to use all original photos on this site, as I have always done.  Perhaps one day, they will become well-known.

For the next six months, I intend to do more: reading, knitting, photographing, and posting.  Hold me to it!  ; )

Miguel de Cervantes once commented, “facts are the enemy of truth.”

The fact - what actually occurred - is the ultimate; the sole proprietor of the incident.  Whereas, the truth is also what actually occurred, though much more relative to the individual.  Each of us is but living her/his own dream.  We see colors, interpret signs, and share ideas all in our own, unique way.  This also known as individualism.

Individualism is not a concept.  Individualism is who we are, how we are, what we do, and how we do it.  Our actions are based on the form of our Self.  We exist as both what we know and what we do not know.  We possess Love and Fear, both simultaneously and interchangeably.  Some of us know this while a great majority of us do not.  Most of us struggle to find this; discover that one point in our lives when we can put our finger on precisely what we are.  This coincides with the process/journey/craziness of Life.  Lessons are forever learned and thus our Individual Self is consistently and constantly changing and forming.

Goals fit into this ideal.  Setting goals for yourself is a positive thing; there are matters to conquer.  Having goals, however vast or unique, are individualistic.  A goal for one person will not have the same passion as being a goal for another person.  My concern lays when one person steals another person’s goal.  Here is a better layout:

1) Person A has a goal.

2) Person A shares this goal with Person B.

3) Person A sets out to achieve the goal.

4) Person B completes the goal of Person A, making it known to Person A of the accomplishment.  Person B never shared the desire to complete Person A’s goal; just up and did it.

Sound insane?  Yeah, it is.  But it happens. Though it does sound like animosity, that never originally existed between the two people.

Yeah, yeah, there are a zillion excuses to use for why Person B never shared the goal.  But then there lays the actual fact: if Person B is a weak person (which is true), having personal goals is not a well, thought-out concept.  New ideas are considered foreign, thus leading to Fear.  Where there is Fear, there is no passion.

I find goal stealing rude.  I also see it as a blessing, as this action allows the reality of the person’s essence to come forward.  For then, the supposed passion to reach the goal is fueled by Fear and quite possibly Jealousy; so not a good thing.  Person B Types are needy, clingy, and incapable of having an independent thought.  Not even that, these sort of people have no aspirations; they cling to others for a sign of the future.  These are people to stay far the hell away from.  These types do nothing but drag you down.  Where is the loyalty to one’s Self?  Where is the ultimate sense of achievement?

People should be respectful and follow some sort of goal etiquette.

Happy Cinco de Mayo! I am SO happy it’s a decent holiday to celebrate. Not that excuses are needed. I just feel it more when the rest of the world is in on the celebrating. More excitement in the air, similar to that feeling prior to a thunderstorm; lots of negative ions.

I had lunch with a person that is now becoming a good friend. He’s great to lean on for support and good thoughts. And there are NO STRINGS. I love that care free feeling. Him and I are in the same line of work and interestingly enough, have the same feelings and opinions. I find this great, that there are others out there that feel along the same lines as I do. Of course that is always a great feeling to encounter, thus how friendships are born.

After leaving any sort of discussion with this friend, I always seem to ponder certain things in my life, such as what I should be doing, what I want to be doing, and what interests me. On the car ride home, I was stuck on one word: creativity. So, with the music blastin’ and my windows rolled down, I thought long and hard about this one word. I have always wanted to write a book. Not sure where I will go with it when I sit down, however, I always wanted to be a published author with a few books under me. A personal goal of mine for the past 20 years or so.

I should get in the habit of taking a voice recorder with me at all times. There are numerous times I develop this incredible concept, only to have it forgotten when I finally have the time to write anything down.

I recently discovered that SARK is going to be in Massachusetts, which is in driving distance. She will be doing a three-day conference on her upcoming book, ‘Juicy Pens Thirsty Paper.’ I would LOVE to attend this conference. I feel it is what I need to give me that kick start. Unfortunately, funds are an issue right now, and I do not find myself able to attend.

I know I should have posted this blog a bit ago, in celebration of Cinco de Mayo. However, I am proving a point that I have been writing, just not posting. I’ll get on a good schedule soon enough. ; )

A few months ago, there was an article depicting the next great place to meet a mate: an Apple Store. I thought this was hysterical. This day and age, there is much possibility behind it. However, how is it any different than the grocery store? Apparently, an Apple Store will determine more of the character of the person, as opposed to the type and kind of loaf of bread purchased.

Hmmm…we could be onto something. And if I were doing a thesis, this would be it: determine the correlation in character based on the individual’s loaf of bread as compared to hanging out in an Apple Store and the products purchased at said store.

I would love to see the results. My guess: we’re all tech-crazed, tree-huggin’ vegetarians that where Birkenstocks all the time. But hell, that’s just my guess.

So now that an Apple Store is the current dating hot spot, and all the store employees will be deciphered by shirt color, where is the man with the fire-engine red shirt that just says ‘heartthrob’?

After having just done my taxes, I realize I am getting a refund. A decent amount, though not as big as last year. Of course don’t ask me where any of that ‘more money’ went. I am still working on paying down debt. Thus, this refund is already gone - it will be used to pay off some debt.

As I was gathering my paperwork necessary for tax preparation, I came across this article. I never realized how taxes are truly bizarre . There are places to deduct gambling losses (I suppose the pro being that you claim the winnings). This got me thinking. I remember a few years back when people wished to claim weight-loss efforts on their taxes, but were denied. As well, those that made attempts to quit smoking were also denied any sort of tax deduction. How frustrating. And sad.

However, the Government is getting a tad better and allowing those that make green purchases to be claimed. Hybrid vehicles are the most popular, however, green improvements to homes is also seeing a rise in being deducted.

So why can’t we claim our gardens? We are not taxing the economy by purchasing and growing our own. We are showing that we are becoming more self-sufficient; something that seems more and more necessary as this economy begins to slowly unwind.

Allow me to explain myself.

I have been doing a lot of blog reading about getting rid of clutter in your home and thus, your life. A good argument for those living clutter-free lives stems from the memories: they will always have the memory, not always needing the memorabilia to remind them of an event. Therefore, getting rid of memorabilia is okay, just tap into your mind if you want to recall the event.

What if I do not want neither the memorabilia nor the memory? They don’t tell you how to get rid of both.

Granted, the physical object is easiest and most apparent to rid of: throw it away! But short of getting a lobotomy, how do I get rid of a memory?

So far, I have found that there are two solutions: 1) keep your mind occupied to the point where it’s almost over-active so no stray thoughts will wander to memories and 2) make new memories from new events.

By keeping your mind over-active, there is no time, no room, to spend or waste on reflecting back. Obviously this has some consequences, as One needs realize who One is and where One is going with One’s life. Also known as coming to terms with One’s Self. I feel this may be accomplished by doing things (ahh, that physical state comes in again). By this, I mean, physically doing things that One has always wanted to do but never did. This may range from sky-diving to photography class to knitting to piano lessons. The new thing does not matter what it is, so long as it is accomplishing the task of keeping One busy. While engrossed in these new adventures, One learns a great deal about her/himself by being present in the moment. As a bonus, new memories come from doing new things (finally - a bonus!).

I realize that the old memories will never go away. After time they will subside and eventually become what I have dubbed Flashes of the Past. For instance, I could tell you I dated a guy in college, his name, and a bit of what he looked like. I could probably give you a gist of some feelings I felt during that relationship, though they have since subsided, and I realize that I would be guessing most of it. This is an accomplishment of losing a memory. However, I doubt I would be able to give you a full detailed description as to the ins and outs of this relationship. This just furthers that creating new memories definitely helps push the old ones out, or merely further represses them. (I mean this in a good way, as they will eventually be hard to remember; not all repression is evil).

The obvious finger-pointing belongs to Time. Time takes a bit to subside feelings and emotions no matter how joyful or painful. I slowly learned this over a few months; time has no sides, it just is. Instinct goes a long way; your gut tells you a lot of what you should do. The only way to truly be over old memories, that stir up old feelings, is time. And your gut knows when that has come; learn to trust your instinct more.

I continue to read my blogs on living a clutter-free life. I rather enjoy reading the story of others as they come to terms with this new life-style change. I gain perspectives and ideas as they relate to my life. My goal is to consider myself a person that lives a clutter-free life both physically and mentally. Obviously the physical aspect will be the most obvious. However, knowing within myself that I have resolved all matters (memories included) will only strengthen me for those situations and events that I truly desire and deserve. Leaving me with new memories.

…for having been engaged and never married.

I need to write about this matter to get it off my chest; to process it. I know I am not a loser. I know that because I was once engaged I am not a loser or damaged goods, or anything of that sort.

Yet, there is still a part of me that feels that I shouldn’t have even gotten engaged. If I go that route, then I should add that I should never have let the then-boyfriend move in. But if I say that, then I should never have let the relationship make pretend it was something it wasn’t and allow it to go on for as long as it had.

I am not looking to point blame or admit fault or anything related to that. I merely needed to process this screwed-up mentality. I really need to forgive myself.

By doing so, I reassess the positives:
- I only ever want to be married once and forever and have a happy, successful, loving marriage that works both ways. I may now have this at some point, having to still say that I have never married.

- I realized that the relationship was neither healthy nor ever going to function properly and therefore, ended it before having gone too far (as in more years).

- I know more of what I don’t want. This works for the opposite, too: I realize what I do want.

- I understand how other issues seriously affect a relationship. Some examples: family, money/budgeting, work/job, job-related activities (holiday parties, picnics, and the like), big-ticket purchases (house, car, etc.), organizing an event together, and sharing goals, naming a few.

- Team-work must always be present and never falter.

- Take serious matters seriously. Have pow-wows often to re-group, re-center, and re-focus. Making sure we’re both on the same page is vital.

- Laughing is key. This goes hand-in-hand with having fun together. Good times are always great to reflect back on.

- Respect, trust, and love are either there or not. They are known from the start. They can only grow. I realize their importance for a sustaining relationship.

- Trust my gut. My gut is the only thing that will never let me down. And if it does or if I don’t listen to it, well, that was a lesson that I had to learn.

Though I gear these positives towards relationships, they have also allowed me to recognize the type of person I am. They have allowed me see what I am comprised of; who I am.

This leads me to a hurdle: what do I do with my supposed wedding ring? I’m open to suggestions. Do I leave it alone, packing it away to never be seen until I’m 50 and reflect back? Do I vow to marry my Self, taking on all the positives I have listed above; making the next man earn the right to take it off and replace it?

And yes, that is a picture of the actual ring. For the curious types the ring is pewter with a bit of gold in the middle.

So yes, I am here at work right now; working the infamous and often controversy Day Light Savings over night. Lucky for me, my night is cut by one hour and no decrease in pay. The time is passing by much more quickly because one hour is lost. Whooppee!!

Right now, I am anxiously anticipating my comfy bed with my dog curled up next to me, the two of us dozing off for a nice, long nap, lasting a good part of the day. I have a few hours for that yet.

No less, I have been wanting to begin blogging again on a regular basis, and thus writing. Alas, I have been stalled. The stall factor? I am unsure if it has been a matter of coming to terms with my own demons, or merely the concept of ‘where do I start?!’ My life has changed in rather significant ways.

The entire process has been interesting at best:
- I am not a loser for having been engaged and not married
- Addicts are not good for your Self
- Pets are a wonderful invention; they will never let you down or leave you
- Always know your Support Circle and fall back on it when you need to
- I can live without internet
- I am in a rather significant amount of debt
- I possessed a lot of crap/junk/shit
- My mind tends to wander in places it shouldn’t
- Knitting has never let me down.

Currently, I am unsure of how or where I would like to take this blog. I have a feeling it is going to be a culmination of material. There are a few items that I would love to discuss further. Of course feedback is always appreciated.

Bear with me. : )